A Traumatised Generation: Part Three

January 20, 2022

My flatmate’s introvert theory and the loneliness loop

I recently asked my flatmate what he would change about our generation. If he could snap his fingers and make one thing appear, disappear, or transform what would it be?

He said: I would make introversion, the state of being an introvert, disappear.

I said: Huh?!

He explained that everyone sits somewhere on a scale from introvert (where time with people depletes energy) to extrovert (where time with others increases energy), but for those who are further towards the introvert end of the scale, life is harder in many ways. Research has consistently shown that extroverts are more likely to get the job offer, the romantic partner and the leadership role. Introverts, in the same scenarios (the interview, the date, the debate), have to work harder to display the same confidence, energy and engagement as an extrovert would, for whom it would come naturally.

My flatmate explained that if there was no such thing as introversion, if everyone was further than that halfway mark on the scale towards extroversion, life would be a more level playing field.

That’s benefit number one.

Benefit number two has to do with what would have been my third part anyway in this mini-series ‘A Traumatised Generation’: loneliness. Someone who is introverted might want to be alone, some or most of the time, but that doesn’t mean they want to be lonely and yet more introverts than extroverts can find themselves trapped in something psychologists have coined the ‘loneliness loop’. Essentially, this is when the feelings of sadness, anxiety, shame, or insecurity that come with feeling lonely create a barrier to socialising, having a friend over for coffee or meeting someone for a walk. With the internet, social media and gaming, interaction can be replaced to an extent, but these interactions do not fulfil our need for the presence of real-life people, it cannot replace the multi-sensory experience of being with others. That experience of laughing with someone, seeing their belly jiggle and the creases by their eyes, hearing the laugh die down and that heavy sigh as they catch their breath.

So, if no one was lower than what we would now call 50% extrovert, there ought to be less people at risk of getting stuck in the loneliness loop.

This isn’t possible, of course, but it made me think about how loneliness (which has undoubtedly increased since the start of the pandemic) has been found to be linked to, amongst other things, personality type, genetic disposition and circumstance and how isolating oneself is a textbook response to trauma, but isolation itself has also been found to cause trauma.

We were forced to isolate due to the pandemic, and the loneliness epidemic (first written about in 2015) became exacerbated: mental health crises linked to loneliness spiked. Removing human contact for a sustained or indefinite time can cause serious and even permanent trauma (trauma categorised as prolonged exposure to distressing events or circumstances). In fact, so severe can the psychological effects be that the United Nations prohibits indefinite or prolonged solitary confinement of prisoners, likening it to a form of torture and calling it cruel, inhuman, and degrading. (The United Nations Standard Minimum Rules for the Treatment of Prisoners (the Nelson Mandela Rules)

If you think I am being dramatic using the word trauma to describe the impacts of isolation, have a read of this article on Insider by Amy Morin, psychotherapist, and author of one of the top 15 Ted Talks of all time. https://www.businessinsider.com/can-quarantine-leave-you-traumatized-heres-what-it-means-2020-5?r=US&IR=T

You might also like this article in Forbes from 2019: Millennials and the Loneliness Epidemic (https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/) It includes statistics and studies that show loneliness can stunt life expectancy and predispose people to serious physical conditions like metastatic cancer and Alzheimers.

Whether you felt/feel the effects of forced isolation as a traumatic experience, or just as unpleasant, it has become clear to us all that it is not a state in which we thrive.

We need other people. We need company. We are not designed to be on our own for extended amounts of time. For me, an extrovert, it is less likely that I could ever isolate myself for any long period, intentionally or unintentionally, because I need to be in contact with people every single day. I am violently extroverted. I am 97% extrovert, according to the Myers-Briggs test. I know that if I don’t interact with someone in my day, whether that’s over the phone, online or in person, I will feel low, anxious and like something isn’t right. Unless I have made a conscious decision to have a ‘me’ day and switch off my phone, I make sure I plan to see my friends, call my mum, and do something with someone. It is difficult for me to isolate myself because I crave human contact, connection, and hugs! I have no problem talking to strangers, spending hours at events or parties. Sure, I get tired but not in the way that introverts get exhausted. I still get lonely, absolutely I do. In fact, it takes less time for me to feel lonely because of how much I love being with others.

For an introvert, it is much easier to isolate oneself intentionally or unintentionally, and the false sense of connection that social media and the internet gives us increases that risk. One can end up further down the rabbit hole of isolation, before they realise feelings of loneliness and the longing for human connection.

Where there’s a problem, in this case chronic loneliness and isolation, there’s money to be made. That’s where the multi-billion-dollar industry of robots and AI come in. That’s where our conversation went to next: the metaverse and sex robots. That’s for the next post…

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